29dpo 6w4d - Mantras

I peed on a stick this morning to see if I was still pregnant.  The pregnancy line came up faster than the control line, like, the second the urine touched the mark.  It was strong and dark quickly.  So yep, still pregnant, and strongest reaction yet.

My last post clearly had some unfortunate foreshadowing as the first woman in my pregnancy group on the forum has gone out.  This was of course upsetting to hear.  She had worries, because everyone has worries, but nothing that appeared to be anything obvious.  Retrospectively you could say 'this, that, and the other', but the reality is, it's easy to look back and see obvious, I don't think it was.  So, shocking, and sad.

It's hard not to hear that and have the surge of panic about your own situation.  I'm mindful that I have not done PGS testing on the embryos.  It was something I looked in to and was not available. My clinic was not in favor, although it's clearly more and more common in the States.  While there can obviously still be loads of issues with PGS tested embryos, it does seem to reduce the chance of miscarriage by about 9-10% according to one clinic's statistics.  It seems for the age of my embryo egg (38, not my current age of 41) the miscarriage rate for me at this point is around 20%+ or 1 in 5. Again, sobering thoughts.

But again, NOTHING I can do at this point.  If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.  My mantra is simply to repeat this thought.  It is the waiting that is stressful and what will be will be.  Take each day is it comes.  Accept each day and each moment for what it is.  Be confident in the knowledge that I will be able to manage each moment, no matter what happens, but that worrying about possible futures, of which I have no control over, is not productive for me, or for the growing fetus.  Repeat.

It could also be that I continue with a pregnancy and find out their are other issues that will require difficult choices.  Yesterday I was looking at where I could get a NIPT done locally as a useful Facebook advertisement popped up.  Usually I ignore those, but finally a relevant one indicated there's a private clinic in Grantchester which will do it for cheaper than a London clinic.  If I manage to make it to 10 weeks, and it's not available through the NHS, I'm definitely doing a private NIPT.

I am also mindful that there is a potential discrepancy between my dpo and week calculation of up to 3 days. This is because my cycles are slightly longer, typically.  So when I use various online calculators, they suggest based on dpo that I'm 6w1d not 6w4d.  This is of course important as every benchmark is measured in what week you are at- if only you get to this week your risks reduce, blah blah blah.  I of course want to be at the further ahead date, but should realistically be considering myself the further behind date.

Mantra.  Repeat.