The short version: the transfer will hopefully be tomorrow, another day of waiting ahead.
The longer version:
So this morning I was waiting for the phone call. It didn't come at 9am so I started to get nervous. I think the phone finally rant around 9:30. It seemed like forever. I was particularly feeling anxious because another woman on the SMC forum who was trying this month had 6 day 3 embryos that all arrested on day 4. So I knew that this could happen, and I was worried I was going to get a call that said there was nothing to come in for.
The embryologist called to tell me that all six zygotes were successfully given laser assisted hatcing on Saturday, and all six have transformed into morulas. A morula is a transformational stage where the embryo moves from a collection of equal cells to differentiated cells. Not all embryos emerge out of the morula stage, so it could still be that tomorrow there is nothing. The embryologist was cautiously hopeful though that all 6 made it to morula stage; he said that he didn't expect them all to reach even that far. So it's not great, because it means they're all a bit slow, but it's also not bad. Yet. So, more waiting.
This weekend I've been feeling somewhat emotional. I don't know if it's due to hormones or what. My friend came to visit Saturday/Sunday and brought her 22 month old son. We had a good time, and I enjoyed having them here but I started to wonder what I'm getting myself into. On the one hand it all seems reasonable, and then on the other hand it's completely overwhelming and terrifying. I know that it is probably overwhelming and terrifying for everyone who has a child, single parent or no. Still, I just felt emotional about it. Am I really prepared for this? Am I really capable of doing it? I think these fears are normal. I'm not overly worried about it, I just had a surge for some reason.
I also think that I might enjoy the baby stage, and I may enjoy post potty training, but I may not love the toddler stage. I could be wrong. And I assume everything is always different when it's your kid. It's one thing to have a strange child in my home getting into everything versus a child who lives here who is used to my home and for whom the home is properly arranged. I mean, your own kids for sure get into everything, but your life shapes around their presence in it. Dropping a child into your life is a little bit different.
I think I've also been a bit grumpy because I think the Cyclogest/progesterone is making me have swelling and itching in the privates. Really not enjoying that. The swelling has gone down a bit, but the itching flares back up. I read online that this can be a side effect, especially for women taking it vaginally. I'm not, but I'm sure it's related. Some of the online posters suggested getting some Canesten cream for the itch. If I'm lucky enough to have a transfer tomorrow, then I think I'll also ask about this.
So that's where things are. I'm feeling anxious. I will know what's happening soon enough by way of the transfer at least, and then I'll have to wait to see if I'm pregnant. And if I'm pregnant, I'll be waiting to see if I can get through the benchmarks without a miscarriage. I'm not sure anyone ever talks about this stage of trying to get pregnant or pregnancy. I'll be posting everything here, which includes if things go badly. I'm positive not enough women talk about this and by the time they announce they're pregnant, they've just kept all this to themselves. That's just not my style I guess.
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