Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Statistics

I managed to discourage myself by looking at success statistics for IUI using donor sperm.  Apparently for my age (41) it's around 5%.  That's pretty low odds I have to say.  This was somewhat tempered by a meeting over the weekend with a lesbian couple with a 1-year old who did IUI and got pregnant on the second cycle.  Of course she's ten years younger than me though.  So, a bit of discouragement and a bit of encouragement.  Also encouraging was that this couple used the same clinic that I'm using and spoke very highly of their experience there.  They're starting trying for a second baby now so it's even possible I'll bump into them at the clinic, although probably not.  They also told me that Pregnyl is not intramuscular so that was good news.  Apparently it's a bit annoying to mix and it requires breaking a glass vial, but it just goes in your belly like all the rest, albeit with a longer needle.  But this I can manage.  So that was good.

I am going to try a new approach with the boyfriend this evening in that I'm just going to talk factually about what's going on with me.  He either needs to come to some sort of acceptance about it, or he isn't going to in which case, he won't be able to be with me.  But at the moment I feel like it's this thing hanging over me which is sad and unpleasant.  To be honest, this is a hard enough journey on its own and I don't need something to be feeling bad about that's related.  I really hope that he can come around and find my perspective that our relationship trajectory, and the baby trajectory (that I started before I met him) are just different things.  I get that it's not traditional.  I get that it's hard.  I get that he's upset.  I just don't see that I can do anything else other than I'm doing.  And ignoring it is definitely not making it go away with the clock ticking.

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