Wednesday, January 27, 2016


I managed to discourage myself by looking at success statistics for IUI using donor sperm.  Apparently for my age (41) it's around 5%.  That's pretty low odds I have to say.  This was somewhat tempered by a meeting over the weekend with a lesbian couple with a 1-year old who did IUI and got pregnant on the second cycle.  Of course she's ten years younger than me though.  So, a bit of discouragement and a bit of encouragement.  Also encouraging was that this couple used the same clinic that I'm using and spoke very highly of their experience there.  They're starting trying for a second baby now so it's even possible I'll bump into them at the clinic, although probably not.  They also told me that Pregnyl is not intramuscular so that was good news.  Apparently it's a bit annoying to mix and it requires breaking a glass vial, but it just goes in your belly like all the rest, albeit with a longer needle.  But this I can manage.  So that was good.

I am going to try a new approach with the boyfriend this evening in that I'm just going to talk factually about what's going on with me.  He either needs to come to some sort of acceptance about it, or he isn't going to in which case, he won't be able to be with me.  But at the moment I feel like it's this thing hanging over me which is sad and unpleasant.  To be honest, this is a hard enough journey on its own and I don't need something to be feeling bad about that's related.  I really hope that he can come around and find my perspective that our relationship trajectory, and the baby trajectory (that I started before I met him) are just different things.  I get that it's not traditional.  I get that it's hard.  I get that he's upset.  I just don't see that I can do anything else other than I'm doing.  And ignoring it is definitely not making it go away with the clock ticking.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Tick Tock

So my period ended up coming particularly early while I was away- I think on 28 days.  So definitely starting this month was a no-go.  However, that means February is looking good and everything is now in place to try.  The donor sperm is at the clinic and I've been delivered my drugs for the first IUI cycle.  This includes a 900iu Gonal F pen and 2 Pregnyl which I've not used before.  It looks like the Pregnyl is an intramuscular injection which may be a challenge on my own but I'll find out more at my first scan which should be on day 1 or 2 of my next period, due mid-Feb.

This week I also had to go to the GP to get my virals retested.  This was HIV and Hepatitis B & C screenings.  Apparently whilst  undergoing treatment these need to be within 3 months current which seems excessive.  I showed up at the GP and they were frankly confused because my tests were in date but no, I had to have those again.  Luckily the GP covered it.  I suppose they could get annoyed if this continues and make me pay for it, I can't imagine it's all that much by comparison.

The drug delivery came via Healthcare at Home which if you were at all a reader of my egg freezing blog you will know has the best pricing around on fertility drugs.  Or at least they did two years ago and I have no particular reason to think this has changed.  So new budget:

Previous total £4454
900iu Gonal F and 2 Pregnyl£380
New total £4834

The drug delivery had to be to work which was a little bit annoying but they didn't have a Saturday delivery slot.  It came in a massive cool box which was all very well packaged.  Pretty much discreetly except it said 'laminarmedica' on the side.  The 'medica' part is somewhat obviously 'medical' and it would certainly be recognizable to someone else going through the same.  In fact there is a woman in my group who has suffered from fertility challenges and I was particularly concerned with upsetting her.  I hope I didn't, and she didn't say.  Hopefully in the future I can get the drugs delivered to home.  Of course there's the possibility I may not need any more drugs, but I honestly don't believe that will happen.  On the other hand, it would be wrong of me not to acknowledge it could happen.

So the next thing is to wait.  When my period arrives, I will call the clinic and they will fit me in for a scan either that day or day 2.  They'll let me know what I should start injecting and when I should come back for the next scan and we'll be set to try the first IUI.  I'll also pay for the IUI on that day so will update the budget accordingly and detail what's included later.

Otherwise I need to get much better at being regular about taking my conception vitamins and I'm looking to get some acupuncture appointments set up as well.  Need to lay off the alcohol and caffeine, not that I have particularly much of either to begin with.  Already on a vague healthy eating kick, mostly due to trying to reduce my meat consumption (although I'm not a vegetarian).  I still find this whole thing a little bit surreal.  While I was away (visiting a dear friend with two small children, 3.5 and 1.5) it was very easy to be excited about this journey and look forward to trying.  Now that I'm back in my life though, it just doesn't seem entirely real.  I have so many other things going on and to do.  Part of me is still excited and hopeful, and then the other part is more cautious and whispers that I may not get pregnant anyway after all the trying.  So I guess I end up not wanting to think about it too much at all lest I get either depressed or anxious.  This doesn't stop my progress on my plans, but it does put me in a rather strange state of mind where this is something I'm obviously completely committed to, but then try not to think about it too much in the moment.

That may be challenged and it may become a bit more prominent once the cycle is underway however.  Probably.