Almost, almost, ready to start

From the post below you'll see that I've got my sperm ordered.  The next thing to take care of is to schedule my first cycle of trying.  This will be a drug assisted IUI cycle.  My cycle seems to be relatively regular but is fluctuating between 31-33 days.  Because of this, the clinic has suggested a drug assisted cycle to be sure of when I am ovulating and to have the best chance of insemination.  This means I'll need to pay for the cycle in advance and pay for the drugs I'll be using and have them ready to go in the fridge for the start of my next viable period/cycle.  I'm going away for three weeks and based on a period calculator I used, my next period will start the day before I come back to the UK or the day before.  This makes January unlikely as the first cycle to try for.  Instead, I'll just go for February.  That way I'll have been back for a month, settled in to my routine, and on top of things.  I don't think coming back from a holiday and rushing to the clinic is the best way to go about this anyway.  So February it is.  This gives me a month and a half to get all of that set up, i.e., paid for, and to get the drugs delivered.

It's honestly unreal.  I can't really think about the possibility of getting pregnant because I think it seems to overwhelming.  And if I do get pregnant, I think I'm going to be completely freaked out.  Which is, I think, pretty normal.  Regardless of how you end up getting pregnant.

In other news, me and the boyfriend have had a bit of bumpy spot regarding my pregnancy plans.  This has been causing me much sadness because he is hurt and upset and also because it doesn't mean I'm changing my plans.  This in turn makes me feel bad because something I'm doing is hurtful to him, at a time when our relationship- between the two of us, seems to be better than before.  This situation tempers how I express myself about the baby plan.  I do talk to close friends about it, but I can't really talk to my partner about it without it becoming a conversation about something else really.  So I try not to.  That's weird, huh?  But then what I'm doing is maybe considered a bit weird, all things considered.  Relationships and big life decisions are complicated things.  I may write more about this at some point, but I'm mindful of his privacy, even though I don't think he knows about this blog.