Sunday, October 25, 2015

Looking for Sperm

Trying to decide on a sperm donor is difficult.  My clinic gave me a list of 5 sperm banks that they recommend.  All of them comply with UK sperm donation regulations which means that the donor will be able to be contacted by the child at age 18 if the child desires.  And the child will be able to find out at age 18 who the donor was even if they don't choose to contact them.

In general I think this is a very good idea.  Before I started on this journey I had looked at some sites on the internet, and in particular sites where children of donors talked about their feelings and experiences.  I think one of the harder things a child of a donor has to deal with is wanting to know where they come from.  I read stories from donor children saying that they would walk down the street wondering if the people they passed were relatives.  I get that.  And I think that's not very nice.  So even before I knew that it was the law in the UK that you use a non-anonymous donor, I had already decided that this was a requirement for me.

The next thing I need to be aware of is that I am CMV negative.  This means that I can only use a donor who is also CMV negative.  If I was CMV positive, I could use a donor who was either negative or positive.  So this restricts my choices somewhat as more people are CMV positive.  On the other hand, limiting choice isn't necessarily a bad thing, because there are a lot!

Other things I have come to find out is that many donors are tested for various genetic diseases and you get profiles on their test results.  Some donors I have come across have tested positive for genes known to be related to certain diseases.  I haven't had my own genetic testing done, so I don't know what I may or may not carry.  This means that an ideal donor to me would not be positive on any genetic diseases, because what if I am too?  So this also limits some of the available options.

I talked to the clinic about what I should buy.  I mean, how much do you buy and should it be washed or unwashed or what?  They told me that for IUI I could get washed or unwashed.  If it was washed it needed to be >10 motility and if it was unwashed it needed to be >20 motility.  For IVF (assuming my 2 planned cycles of IUI don't work) unwashed is fine but it needs to be >20 motility.  Annoyingly, not all clinics give this information.  And I've also noticed that there seems to be a limited supply of >20 sperm. 

The clinic suggested I order 6 samples to cover my treatment.  My next surprise?  How expensive sperm is!  We're looking at around £600(±) per sample.  With shipping, that's around £3000 just for the donor sperm.  A bit more than I was anticipating.  That's basically the cost of both IUI cycles combined!  But it is what it is.  I know this process is expensive.  Still, if I spend that much and get pregnant on the first go- can you sell the samples back??  It's a bit weird.  I don't think I fully understand all the detail yet.

Really I'm just looking at donor profiles at the moment.  Trying to find one that meets the above criteria as well as my own criteria which is to be vaguely of my own complexion and look.  I've read up on being a single mother and a recommendation is to pick a donor with your own coloring so that you aren't always asked about the father if the child looks nothing like you.  I think that makes sense.  This also helps then to limit the options.

It's just that when you keep limiting the options and keep limiting the options you start to feel like you don't have any!!  Each bank that my clinic recommended has only 1-5 donors that meet the above criteria, if that!  On the one hand it feels like such a big decision.  This possible future child is going to be half made up of this mystery person.  It's a little bit scary because you don't know them.  You don't really know anything much about them.  And you don't really know what they look like.  On the other hand, this possible future child is half me.  And how much does the genetics matter over the nurture?  Ah, the age old question.  I'm sure that most of the donors would be perfectly fine.  I guess it's just that when you aren't picking the person because you love them and have a relationship with them, the ONLY thing you have to go on is their genetic contribution.  And that makes you feel a bit panicked.  Like somehow you're making a wrong choice.

It's not that it's a bad thing, it just seems like a particularly great responsibility, to have this level of choice, but then to feel that you aren't really informed enough to make a good one, you know?

At any rate, more donor updates as warranted.  Stay tuned.

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